Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Wobal Glarming and wrold tegevation

I was walking around a a Garden center last weekened (alright i was hiding their from a fleet of Black Helicopters that were following me....ah fuck it i was really buying a Cactus) and i bumped into the Prof that supervised my thesis. He is a well sound chap world renowned for his work on Vegetation and climate change, dapper fella. Anyway we gets chatting about Global warming etc as you do in Garden centers....he says we are well and truly fucked and gives us 20 years until it all breaks down. The Earth is shagged. I am unsure of what to do.....move to Iceland, live large, or continue my dialogue with God. So i think i'll do all three....except the Iceland bit. Oh and skateboard some more.

Questions asked at work by Keith...

"Snakes on a Plane" Whats that film about then?

"Fish fingers? Fish havent got fingers so what are fish fingers really made out of?"

"How can you tell somebody from the US you ate a lovely couple of Faggots last night"

Good link to a story Re; Global Warming arguments.

Article

Friday, September 22, 2006

Aeroluge Part 2



Ive now sorted some Gel coat to even out some of the uneveness problems on the fibreglass bodywork. The Gelcoat should provide an even surface for more aero properties i hope. Still need to sort the front end out as i havent got a tig welder to fabricate aluminium bar im going to fabricate in steel tube and bolt the handrails to the chassis.....nearly there.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Bastard on Holiday



I love holidays especially when i get to spend quality time with un familie. This year we went to Exmouth, luxury caravan for cheapness, easy access to beach and amenities etc etc. My main troubles about holidays is the closeness to "Others". This means that the expanse of distinctly unsexual bare flesh is directly sand blasted into the eyeball. Go to the beach and instead of beach babes you get the bare arse of 60 year old men or the bacon backs of grazing Macivores assaulting the senses. This is badness. Im not the most carved of hunks i'll admit but my flesh stays pretty much underneath the shirt and shorts combo due to the fact its not easy on the eye and im well aware of the dangers of direct sunlight on flesh. Holidays bring out the worst in the general population. Holiday makers have a "Beeline" attitude to either getting something or going somewhere, its like a commando course to get to the beach. Avoid the "Dad", this is the first time this year he has been aware of his odious offspring who cling to him via a pushchair or grasping sticky hands as they moan about either food or plastic shit they can buy at the shop. His work has been swapped from the Labour/Capital axis to that of child minder. He is not impressed as this is his holiday and he is not chilling out to copious gallons of lager and scoping the chicks like he did in Magaluf with his mates back in 1995. He is gently realising (through his thick head)that he is turning into his Dad and this makes his England Tattoo itch.
What is it with Holiday apparell? Dad has his ironed "fashion" England shirt (with the collar turned up) obligatory shaved head/shorts/Adidas trainer combo and male kids have same but with Nike/Reeboks. Females wear something that barely holds their norks in. The nork option can often be pleasing but often is not. The young teenage females will wear something akin to a Bangkok whore with young fullsome breasts swinging about happily as Dad keeps a keen eye out for poolside/beachfront perverts flexing his manual labour muscles under his football shirt.
Mr Bastard in his customary unreliableness parked the bastard mobile outside Exmouth college miles away from any beachfront action and while searching for it happened to observe the young patrons of this oddity of education. As a trained observer you cant help but categorise things into lists, a habit i might add my Doctor disproves of. Outside Exmouth college i observe the creature known as the "Mac-Surfer". Clad in layers of the latest surf wear males and females of this persuasion gather in groups to communicate and gesticulate at each other in strange ways unknown to myself. They obviously dont surf as they would be at the local break instead of at school. I humbly slot them into the same category as "Football man". But instead of the overly machismo attitude of Football man they have an intense laid back groove which they work hard on EXCEPT! on the subject of "Grockles" or the incipient "Townie" stereotype. This is seen often in shops and other places around the Devon and Cornwall coasts. The Townie is treated as contemptable but needed evil, sometimes you feel like a Namibian at a Klan rally. So local stereotyping flings both ways. My advice to all of them....football man, chill out bro, its not work you can relax. Instead of carting your kids around the arcades so they can blast your hard earned on milliseconds of videogame boredom, discover them again. Enjoy these precious seconds of peace where their little mannerisms and humour can make you laugh and cry, enjoy the aspects of family life you miss when your working all the hours God sends to keep a roof over your head. Enjoy your wife/girlfriend/partner as she is a Goddess who runs your life for you, without her you would be a tramp on the street. For that short few days treat her as you would royalty. Give her time to discover that she is indeed her own person and not a climbing frame for your offspring. Make sure her holiday is a period where she finds herself for a few hours. As for our Macsurfers instead of wearing the Corporate Surfgear spend some money buying a board and actually surfing. Fuck school it will still be there in a few years time when you're ready to learn. You're young, live on the coast, and beautiful what more can a person want. Be accepting of Townies and Grockles as they live in Hell holes and only want to experience a little slice of heaven you have all year.

Mr Bastard loves his Holidays, he flew his Kite, collected driftwood, told his daughter the names of every crab and plant she wanted to know. Showed his two lads
how to OWN!!!the video zombies with a Mac 10 and treated his wife like the Godess she is.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Diz-funk-shone-al

We skateboard...people regard us as disfunctional or eccentric characters often not being able to hold down either a career or feeling uneasy in groups of people that dont share our own interests. I am uncomfortable around people i know dont skate or have a clue about what i do. Disfunctionality....

dys·func·tion also dis·func·tion (dĭs-fŭngk'shən) pronunciation
n.Abnormal or impaired functioning, especially of a bodily system or social group.
dysfunctional dys·func'tion·al adj.

I am only ever comfortable around skaters and find i cannot form lasting friendships with people who dont groove to my thang. Skaters sit on boards and chat, smoke quiet groups of simple communications hand gestures and sweet little giggles as we wait to fly down the hill. No bullshit nothing to prove to anybody. I dont want to offer violence to anybody or engage in arguments just sit and wait, chat laugh. I am so sorry for people that dont do what i do, i could weep for you. I have everything thank you very much, dont want a new car, dont want a mortgage, dont want holidays in the sun,dont want your Adidas your fast food, fast life bullshit. Dont want your celebrity Paris Hilton Big Brother pseudo celeb crap or your career in a call center or your life in Server admin IT death existence. I dont want to stagger through my life half blind sucking TV cock, i dont want your political party lies and smokescreens ive opted out, i dont care about what party is in power or what policies you have. I dont want your accident insurance take fucking responsibility for your own life your laws make me puke in fact i shit on them ok? I shit on the fact that your offspring have attention deficit disorder, they dont, what they want is a little bit of loving attention instead of Playstations and Xbox and Mountain bikes and all the little squandered loves you give to your career and car and mistress and fucking etc. I dont like people, you make me feel queasy and sick with your greasy fast food mouths and fast food lives as you masturbate in front of your computer to all those disgusting little porn videos you like. I like people who i skate with, the only people i feel a connection with a little ribbon of universal love that snakes out to other slightly dysfunctional people....but are we really that dysfunctional? Perhaps we are the only true human beings left, a small segment of the population that refuse to adhere to the bullshit corporate life rule they impose on us...we may consume but we may also vomit up the maggot infested crap you feed us with, we remain human and remain skaters.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

A.T.W.A

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Mickeys Revenge


So im sitting down in the front room watching "Return of the King" and feel something tickle my foot. Mus musculus or the common mouse was sitting on my foot licking his arse. Even though i am a tattooed and often angry looking man i am shit scared of mice so i screamed and made for the door, i ran into the back garden and climbed on the garden table in fear in full view of our neighbours = much loss of kudos. Karmic revenge Mickey style.....

"Mickey"
Mickey you mouse
why live in my house
eating my honey nut loops
and sitting on my foot
Why not live in the fields
dodging the birds of prey
and the hungry cats
and nasty traps.
Mickey you mouse
with your grey coat
Living in my house
i dont really mind
just stay underneath the floorboards
with your little beds of tissue
and your collection of interesting fluff.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Aeroluge





Shenanigans with resin and glass but fuck its quite heavy and the aero properties im not sure of.....the luge is made of an Aluminium frame with foam and wood covered with a coating of resin and glassfibre...these pics are a mock up. It needs mucho sanding.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Two Dimensional Love



Maine National Guard members in Iraq and Afghanistan are never far from the thoughts of their loved ones.

But now, thanks to a popular family-support program, they're even closer.

Welcome to the "Flat Daddy" and "Flat Mommy" phenomenon, in which life-size cutouts of deployed service members are given by the Maine National Guard to spouses, children, and relatives back home.

The Flat Daddies ride in cars, sit at the dinner table, visit the dentist, and even are brought to confession, according to their significant others on the home front.

"I prop him up in a chair, or sometimes put him on the couch and cover him up with a blanket," said Kay Judkins of Caribou, whose husband, Jim, is a minesweeper mechanic in Afghanistan. "The cat will curl up on the blanket, and it looks kind of weird. I've tricked several people by that. They think he's home again."

At the request of relatives, about 200 Flat Daddy and Flat Mommy photos have been enlarged and printed at the state National Guard headquarters in Augusta. The families cut out the photos, which show the Guard members from the waist up, and glue them to a $2 piece of foam board.

Sergeant First Class Barbara Claudel, the state family-support director who began the program, said the response from Guard families has been giddily enthusiastic.

"If there's something we can do to make it a little easier on the families, then that's our job and our responsibility. It brings them a little bit closer and might help them somewhere down the line," Claudel said yesterday.

"You know, this is my motto: `Deployment isn't a big thing, it's a million little things.' These families go through a lot."

While most families stay in touch with their guardsmen by e-mail, snapshots, and videophone, the cutouts are unusual.

"It's a novel approach," said John Goheen, spokesman for the National Guard Association of the United States, a Washington-based lobbying group. "It's to remind the kids that this guy and this woman is still part of your life, that this is what they look like, and this is how big they are."

Claudel said she heard about the Flat Daddy idea while attending a national conference for the Guard. In Maine, the initiative began about eight months ago when Flat Daddies were offered as part of the deployment of B Company, Third Battalion, 172d Mountain Infantry, which is based in Brewer.

Now, when units are mobilized, the Guard organizes Flat Daddy parties, in which families can meet one another while receiving instructions on assembling the photos.

Judkins said the cutout has been a comfort since her husband was deployed in January.

"He goes everywhere with me. Every day he comes to work with me," said Judkins, who works in a dentist's office. "I just bought a new table from the Amish community, and he sits at the head of the table. Yes, he does."

In the car, her husband's image sits behind the driver's seat so Judkins can keep an eye on him. A third-grade class writes to him as their "adopted" guardsman. And Judkins even brought her husband's cutout -- which she calls Slim Jim, because he's not -- to confession at the local church.

When asked what her husband had to confess, Judkins laughed. "That's private," she said.

Jim Judkins had at least one precarious moment as a cutout. When cousins tried to stuff him into a suitcase to take on a cruise, they broke his neck. But instead of expensive surgery, all the cutout needed was a little duct tape, Judkins said.

Cindy Branscom of Hallowell, whose husband, Colonel John Branscom, is in Afghanistan, said spouses of service members in the 240th Engineer Group often bring their Flat Daddies to monthly support meetings and group barbecues. She said one spouse, Mary Holbrook of Hermon, has been seen in the company of her cutout husband, Lieutenant Colonel Randall Holbrook.

"Mary has taken Randy to different events," Branscom said.

But then again, that's almost expected.

"I think it's wonderful," Branscom said. "My Flat Daddy sits in my dining room all the time. He even went to Easter dinner with us at my family's house."

Fuck you Mickey you RAT!



For years, Walt Disney World has been reading the shape of visitors' fingers on its property. Now, the upgraded controversial finger scanning machines scan fingerprint information.

"Privacy advocates worry that Disney is getting too much of your personal information and their concern is where that information goes after it is scanned," Local 6 reporter Jessica D'Onofrio said.

Disney representatives said the technology does not store the entire fingerprint image and scanned information is purged in 30 days.

"We are not collecting fingerprints," Disney representative Kim Prunty said. "We are not collecting personal information. The sole purpose is to create a numerical value that links out guest with their Magic Your Way tickets.

"They're collecting fingerprints," Central Florida ACLU President George Crossley said. "They're taking fingerprints. They can call it whatever they want. They're taking fingerprints. Everything that chips away at personal rights, anything that chips away at the right to privacy, I'll always be concerned about."

"The system takes an image, it identifies points on that image and measures the distance between those points and immediately creates a numerical value on the blink of an eye," Prunty said. "And it's the numerical value that's stored in our system and recalled when a guest reenters our turn styles using their Magic Your Way tickets."

The Central Florida ACLU said they know Disney is not doing anything illegal but said people should know what they're submitting to before they enter the park.

"If Uncle Sam decides to hit Walt Disney with a subpoena because they want those records, what is Walt Disney going to do?" Crossley said. "They're going to provide the records right?"

A Disney representative said visitors who object to the finger scanners can use a photo ID instead. However, that option is not advertised at the theme parks.

The machine upgrades should be completed by the end of September, the report said.

Micky Mouse
in your house
giving you the eye
have you took your medicine today?
to keep you warm and calm
he injects you with the government love
cash flows from your fingers